The devils backbone
by Blackcat78
Summary: She'd backed up every crazy scheme, lied for him, apologised because of him and argued to save his ass at least twice a week since the day he'd thrust himself into her life. And in turn he had tainted her, made her the centre of rumours and malicious gossip. He'd ruined her. And God help her did she love him.


The Devils Backbone

Apologies, the story didn't submit properly! So I've re-submitted it without the extra italics. This is ANGST. Im a Jisbon shipper at heart but I feel Jane needs to realise what he's truly in danger of losing - you've gotta admit it a jealous Jane would make for some great episodes!

_Oh Lord, Oh Lord, what have I done?  
I've fallen in love with a man on the run  
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, I'm begging you please  
Don't take that sinner from me  
Oh don't take that sinner from me…_

Teresa Lisbon walked quietly into the church, briefly lowering herself to genuflect before sliding into an empty pew. The suns rays bathed the left side of the chapel in warmth and light that didn't quite reach the right. The side she occupied.

She was grateful, considering her state.

Most women in her position would cry, eat ice cream, watch soppy movies or phone a friend.

But she wasn't most women.

Besides, how can you mourn something you didn't have? That was never yours? He was a dream. Nothing but a foolish girls dream.

All the looks, the sly touches and glances… She had completely misread his feelings his intentions?

She'd backed up every crazy scheme, lied for him, apologised because of him and argued to save his ass at least twice a week since the day he'd thrust himself into her life.

And in turn he had tainted her, made her the centre of rumours and malicious gossip. She had gone from the bright, up and coming star of the CBI to a law enforcement leper.

He'd ruined her.

And God help her did she love him.

Teresa knelt before the ornate crucifix, trying to focus on something, anything but him. But none of the prayers she whispered seemed to take root; her mind was firmly stuck on Patrick Jane.

Just last week, after a heart wrenching 6 months he'd reappeared at her personal sanctuary no less, cutting through her prayers for him by what? Mocking her faith?

Well if you were willing to commit pre-meditated murder what was a small thing like blasphemy.

_Oh Lord, Oh Lord, what do I do?  
I've fallen for someone who's nothing like you  
He's raised on the edge of the devil's backbone  
Oh I just wanna take him home  
Oh I just wanna take him home  
_

At first she thought he had come back to her, for her, because of her. But no, once again it was another rouse, another plan, another scheme. Teresa wasn't stupid, she knew with each step Jane took toward Red John he was dragging her along with him. She also knew the odds of surviving this whole affair weren't exactly in her favour, especially after Red John demanded her head in a box. But, despite it all, she willingly walked Jane's path of destruction with him, side by side, as partners should.

Partners

Oh that was a joke.

She bowed her head, praying for her aching heart, her empty arms… For all the things she'd ever wanted and had never gotten. A husband, children, a family…

A home.

A single tear managed to escape and for once she let it continue its lonely journey.

Loving Jane wasn't exactly part of her life plan. When she'd first met him he'd been a mess, an attractive train wreck of emotions and contradictions. But over time she had seen past the charming smile, beyond the con man, to the lonely, lost and damaged man.

Teresa had tentatively reached out to Jane, giving him a new family in her team, a path to redemption by helping others, her trust and her faith in him.

And as he found a second purpose besides Red John, they'd connected and a friendship had blossomed. Long car journeys to crime scenes were no longer silent affairs, but sparing contests, teasing and (mainly) her reminding Jane why he had to play nice with local law enforcement.

Then the touches had started. First it was on the small of her back to guide her, then her arm to lead her. The first time she felt the now familiar tug in her stomach, she had put it down to the fact that they were dancing too closely and she was in need of male companionship. But it had continued, progressed into a burning all consuming love.

A love she was constantly making excuses for.

When Jane had uttered those four words before shooting her she had almost gone into shock.

_Bye Teresa, Love you_

Love you. Love you. Love you. The words played over and over in her mind, as she lay deathly still on the floor of her office. This was it, the moment she had been waiting for. They were going to catch Red John, acknowledge their feelings and the two of them would ride off into the sunset together in his God awful blue Citroen.

Well, a girl could dream.

Teresa pulled a rosary from her pocket, fingering the beads with reverence. Like her gold crucifix, this too had belonged to her mother. But unlike the former she rarely used it, not wanting to wear off the delicate flowers intricately painted on each bead. She had removed it from its case on three occasions: the first time was when Annie was born, the second when James had his car accident, the third was when Jane had his 'mental breakdown'.

This time would also be for Jane.

His obsession with Red John was going to end up killing him. She wished she was as concerned with her own life as she was his, but truth be told she just couldn't muster the strength these days. Sure, she went through the motions. Got up, drank coffee, closed cases, ate pizza. But behind it all was a dull ache that refused to let up, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. If eyes truly were the windows to the soul then Teresa knew hers were dark and empty. Because Jane had a new obsession, and this one he didn't seem to want to put a bullet in. If she didn't know any better she would swear he was falling for her.

So it was a good thing she did know better. He had told her she meant nothing to him, that Lorelei Martins was a means to an end. Lorelei was his ticket to Red John.

_Oh Lord, Oh Lord, he's somewhere between  
A hangman's knot, and three mouths to feed  
There wasn't a wrong or a right he could choose  
He did what he had to do  
Oh he did what he had to do _

Arresting Lorelei was a huge step forward in the Red John case. Teresa had put Jane's hovering down to anxiety. Red Johns people had a tendency to turn up dead even when in custody, so it wasn't exactly a surprise when he demanded to be in on the interrogation. He looked alive. Well and truly alive.

The whole time he had talked Lorelei had merely smiled at him. Gazed at him as one would a loved one. Gentle and unwavering.

"We were lovers him and me, did he tell you?"

A coy glance up at Teresa's face had probably given Lorelei her answer.

No. No he hadn't.

And was Jane bothered?

No. No he wasn't.

Teresa felt a surge of disgust as another tear threatened to fall. Jane had continued the interrogation, and then ended it with a kiss and a promise of more conversations.

The more she thought about it, the more it sounded like a date, with her ruining their shared intimacy. She'd sat there gawking like some creepy bystander.

During his absence she had called him hundreds of times, prayed for him numerous times a day, hoping that he'd come home to her, in any state. She had pictured the worst, barely able to eat and awake most nights. She'd worried herself sick for him.

And what was he doing?

Well Lorelei Martins apparently.

Damn Patrick Jane.

Damn him to Hell.

Teresa took the words back as soon as they formed in her head. No one deserved damnation, not even that insufferable, uncaring, cold, callous asshole.

She still loved him.

She would still follow him to the ends of the earth.

She was still glad he was back.

Even if he had been screwing a serial killers mistress whilst faking a breakdown to those that cared for him.

At least he wasn't dead.

Teresa would hand herself over to Red John before she allowed him to harm Jane.

Self-sacrificing Saint Teresa Lisbon – True loves bitch.

So she prayed on. Prayed for his sins to be forgiven. Prayed for his soul. Prayed for his wife and daughter. Prayed for him to find peace and love and happiness.

Even if it wasn't with her.

_Give me the burden, give me the blame  
I'll shoulder the load, and I'll swallow the shame  
Give me the burden, give me the blame  
How many, how many Hail Marys is it gonna take? _

It wasn't like she had a choice in the matter anyway.

Jane threatened to kill Red John when he found him; Teresa knew she had to be there to stop him. You didn't come back from murder.

She was a cop. If she didn't arrest Red John she'd be arresting Jane.

Her heart couldn't possibly break further, but arresting Jane would probably shatter the remaining pieces.

Not that Jane would care.

Teresa leaned back in the pew closing her eyes. Sleep came easier these days, although she was plagued by dreams of a beautiful but psychotic brunette and her blonde consultant, limbs tangled in sweat soaked sheets as they murmured terms of endearment to each other. A moment of reprieve in the house of God.

"I would pretend to be God, but I don't like to do the same trick twice.'"

"Dammit Jane!" she hissed almost jumping. Two nuns lighting candles at the alter of the Virgin Mary turned and gave her stern looks. She gave an apologetic smile as the object of her prayers laughed.

"Now Lisbon, we're in a church. Have a little respect."

"What are you doing here? Did you follow me? Dammit Jane, don't you have any concept of personal space?" she slid out of the pew, knowing whatever personal time she had was effectively over.

"I couldn't reach you on your phone, you weren't getting coffee and you've already eaten ergo church. And personal space? Really? I've been gone 6 months Lisbon. Not to mention you've been avoiding me for the past week. How much more space do you need?" he fell into step beside her, pausing by the holy water as she crossed herself.

"Is there a case?" she deflected, "or an emergency…?"

Jane was standing a little too close, watching her a little too intently. He cocked his head slightly as his eyes roamed her face, his expression softening.

"Trust me Teresa. I need you to trust me. Now more then ever."

She exhaled a breath she hadn't realised she was holding, giving him a sharp nod. Jane grinned, beckoning her to follow him.

"New case," he continued as if the last 20 seconds didn't happen, "Cho dropped me off so you're driving. Got any Spice Girls C.D's in the car? You know I've missed your taste in music Lisbon."

As she exited the church she touched her cross saying a small prayer for their friendship.

And hoped it would be enough to save him.

_Don't care if he's guilty, don't care if he's not  
He's good and he's bad and he's all that I've got  
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, I'm begging you please  
Don't take that sinner from me  
Oh don't take that sinner from me_

A.N – If you get a chance listen to The Devils Backbone by The Civil Wars. Its hauntingly beautiful.

Disclaimer – I don't own The Mentalist nor am I making any money from this. I also don't own the Devils Backbone by the Civil Wars.


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